During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
