Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this beer tastes like vomit already
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
