evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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