I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
