Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
