I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
