..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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