I think im going to throw up on grandma
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
