After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
