This is not my ceiling
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
