hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
