Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
