What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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