haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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