Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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