Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
