its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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