I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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