Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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