hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
