Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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