We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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