I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
