I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
