yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
