I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
