The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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