"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
