She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My penis needs a shock collar
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
