Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
