So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
