I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
