Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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