Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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