the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
