Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
