there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
