i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
