I CAN MOONWALK!
I've blown a few things in my day
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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