dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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