I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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