If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
