My first STD was from a foam party
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
