how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
