It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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