i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
