the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
