Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
