He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
