When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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