plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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