shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
